The appointed

Her Majesty's appointed maker of barley waters.

This cloudy grapefruit beverage is marked “By appointment to Her Majesty The Queen Elizabeth II manufacturers of fruit squashes and barley waters.” It’s the royal appointment that finally put me over the line; I made my long overdue Google search for the master list of all the ridiculous items the Queen has secured in steady supply.

I always thought the Queen only appointed one item of each type, as though she were filling an ark— one sloe gin, one bubblebath, one chutney.

But no, apparently HP Sauce is at constant risk of having to share E2’s table with a second steak condiment. She has claimed just about every brand of champagne, and at least eight suppliers of potted trees. AND YET, not a single provider of swan-related services. That’s just unbalanced.

A selective list

  • BOYD COOPER LTD, Makers of Nursing Uniforms (Appointed by HM The Queen – The Lord Chamberlain’s Office)
  • RIGBY & PELLER, Corsetieres
  • SWAINE ADENEY BRIGG LTD, Whip & Glove Makers
  • ANELLO & DAVIDE (BESPOKE & THEATRICAL) LTD, Bespoke Shoe Manufacturer

Royalty is absurd

  • J.W. WALKER & SONS LTD, Pipe Organ Tuners and Builders
  • ALBERT AMOR LTD, Suppliers of 18th Century Porcelains
  • BERNARD PARKIN, Racing Photographer
  • PETRON LOFTS, Pigeon Loft Manufacturer
  • SSAFA FORCES HELP, Manufacturers of Fancy Goods
  • THE GENERAL TRADING COMPANY (MAYFAIR) LTD, Suppliers of Fancy Goods

It just goes on. See if you can find Her Majesty’s royal purveyor of potted shrimps.